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Yoga in the Indian Epics

https://sites.google.com/view/yogastories/home

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  1. Hi Mason! You did a great job with this story, I will be following your portfolio in the future to see what happens next! My biggest wow moment was definitely the end! As I was reading, I thought the Ice King’s plan was foiled by Finn and that the friends were gonna get a happy ending. You surprised me with your ending and because it's been a while since we have read the Ramayana, I had to rethink the story to remember how it ended. I do love that you used Adventure Time as a way to add more comedy to the story, but is there a reason that Jake doesn’t go with Finn or was it just to add comedy? In the Ramayana, it's to keep Sita safe correct, that Rama goes after the deer alone? Also, are you thinking about incorporating a character to play Lakshmana since he was also an important part of the story? I think my “what if” suggestion would be the play the comedy up even more and exaggerate things. That is sometimes hard to do with a text like the Ramayana but I think you’ve already done such a wonderful job, that if you amplify the comedy element even a little more, it would be amazing!

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  2. Mason! I loved the this spin-off of the story that was referenced in the Ramayana and depicted as one of the classic cartoon shows when I was a kid. I used to watch Adventure Time well, all the time, so this was definitely enjoyable for me as it referenced the major epic that we are talking about in class. One of my favorite parts about this story, and I think this goes for anyone who has watched the show as a kid: you've got the dialogue and syntax of Finn, Jake, and the Ice Kind to a point. Furthermore, the fact that you incorporated the comedic aspect to the story makes it a more enjoyable read even for the people who haven't watched the TV show! However, I do hope that you do finish with the rest of the story later on. I would love to see some sort of battle between the two friends, and how the Ice King's plans get foiled in the end. Or.. does it? It might make the story a lot more interesting if the Ice King's plans ending up in fruition. Nonetheless, great work!

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  3. Hi Mason,
    I really liked your take on this tale from the Ramayana! You adapted it well to fit with the characters and plot of Adventure Time. The organization of your board looked great and went perfectly with your story. Great Job!
    The only thing I was left questioning was the setting. I think it could be a great addition to describe Finn and Jake's surroundings during the story. Where did Jake nap? How far did Finn chase the Ice King? Adding more minor details like these might really help to fully emerge the reader into the story. When I read a story, I really like to be able to picture the entire atmosphere.
    Other than that, I thought the story was great. The writing flowed well and you really made the story your own. The cliff hanger at the end really worked! I couldn't help but want to know what happens next. Keep up the great work!

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  4. Hi Mason,

    I loved getting to read your story on your portfolio about Finn, Jake, and the Ice King. I really enjoyed how you made it a "to be continued" story because you can add on or continue it with another story. The story also kept the reader engaged by making it to be continued because the plot was engaging the whole time. I think the characters you chose were a nice difference from Rama and Sita. Finn was so interested in adventure, in contrast with Jake who was laid back and disinterested. The new characters really showed your personality and creativity, a nice way to put your own twist to an older story. I wonder what will happen and who will prevail. Will the Ice King succeed in his plan or will Finn and Jake figure it out before they are separated for good? Can't wait to read the next part of this.

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  5. Hiya Mason, reading your second story, I was drawn in by the Adventure Time picture. I was very pleasantly surprised to see you took the characters into your story too! I also like the suspense you leave us in as we wait for the next story to be written. To take a very important (and serious) story from the Ramayana and make it both comical and even easier to read is quite the feat. On a side note "wider than wide" is definitely going to be a sentence I use a lot going forward. It also is a great way of explaining how Adventure Time characters react in the show. I look forward to how you continue this. Will you be going over the kidnapping? Maybe we'll get to see an Adventure Time styled fight of Rama vs Ravana! Either way, I can't wait to see where you go with it!

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  6. Mason,

    I read both of your stories and really enjoyed how you kept the overall vibe so fun, light-hearted and playful in both of them. I know both of the original stories you recreated have more of a serious theme - at least the Turtle and the Geese did, so a change of tone and happier ending left a much better impression on me than the ending of the original did. The ways in which you bent that story are amazing! The Chinese restaurant, competition between the two tanks... so unique and different. You definitely achieved your goal in extending the elements to that story.

    I wish I had watched Adventure Time so I could be more familiar with the characters you used in The Chase. The story truly was a time for adventure! The only thing I wish you had exaggerated on was what the Ice King's reaction was when he transformed from the bunny to his real form in front of Finn. Did he not immediately smirk or look surprised? Did he just lie there? Also, how did the Ice King know Finn was going to fall asleep on the grove and that him and Jake would still be separated for the Ice King to carry out the rest of his plan? I thought that was a lucky coincidence for the Ice King.

    Looking forward to read part two!

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  7. Mason,
    I really like the layout and design choices you made with your project. The colors and the font you chose are different from a lot of the other projects I have seen so that was already intriguing. I really enjoyed your first story. I recognized almost immediately which tale your were retelling. I like how you gave it an alternate ending which was happier and more meaningful since the turtle reflected on his life. I enjoyed how you related your second story to an established cartoon. I really liked the chase story in the original Ramayana so reading your version of it was exciting as well to see other people's different interpretations of it. One comment I do have for your entire portfolio in general would be to add an introduction or some words on your home page about what your theme is for your entire project. I think giving the readers a little explanation or hint to what they are going to be reading can be helpful in keeping your reader drawn in.

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  8. Hey Mason! I wanted to start by saying that I enjoyed how you brought up the story. I thought it was a cool little adventure that homed in on a goal. You brought in some known lessons that integrated well into parts of your story. Your writing style is clear and concise and your dialogue flows seamlessly into your narration. I recognized a few of the characters although I have to honestly say that I haven’t watched a full episode of the show. Overall, you did a great job in the development of your story and I’m interested to see how you’re going to develop the rest. I really enjoy how’ve you outlined and edited everything here. If I have to throw out a suggestion, I might recommend putting a bit more emphasis on some of the sounds and actions as I feel like it put a bit of “pizzazz” in what your characters are doing! Great job!

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  9. Hello!
    Right away, a detailed that stuck out to me was that you included the setting which was a Chinese restaurant. I thought that was unique just because it’s different. Plus, I can quickly imagine a turtle living in a tank of a Chinese restaurant. Simple yet effective dialogue. When you described the turtles emotions, I thought you did a great job with it. I definitely felt for the turtle’s feelings. What I love about your story is that there’s a lesson in it – to be grateful for what you halve. You did a great job with describing the climax of the story. I was able to vividly imagine it. I’m also glad that the turtle didn’t die in this story! You did a great job with this story and I had a great time reading it. The simplicity and lesson were effective. I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories.

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  10. Hi Mason! As I give feedback, I wanted to focus on the design of your portfolio. Personally, I love it! There are so many components that I now want to integrate into my own Portfolio because I have seen yours. Your design simply seals together. In "Frederick the Turtle," You created a line after your second paragraph (to separate the paragraph from the picture, I think) and it matches the underlining of your title. Furthermore, in "The Chase" and the Home page, there is the same underlining of the title - same color, thickness, and placement. This is what I mean when your design seals together. Your Portfolio stories are as if it is one. Therefore, there is no choppy feeling, but instead it feels complete and whole. The only advice that I would give would be maybe use the separation line, that you used above the image in "Frederick the Turtle," also below the image. Story-wise, your writing puts a smile to my face. The word "Fun" in your title is truly enhanced by the content in your stories. There are funny components to the stories that simply make them very enjoyable to read. Keep up the good work!

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  11. Hey Mason,
    Good job on your storybook so far. I liked both of the individual stories, but "The Chase" was for sure my favorite. I used to watch Adventure Time as a kid, and your dialogue in that story read almost exactly like how an episode from Adventure Time would. Combining the two stories was a great choice; they mashup perfectly together, and it gave the retelling a more lighthearted and comical feel. I also thought your Frederick story was well done. For some reason it reminded me of Finding Nemo, when the fish in the orthodontist's office yearn for freedom in the ocean but can't escape their little plastic baggies once they make it into the sea. Kind of like how Frederick was too shortsighted to reach his goal! Good work so far!

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  12. Hi Mason!
    I agree. When reading this original story, I also wish the author didn't kill off the turtle, so I am glad you made this change. I also thought it was a super fun and creative idea to use the tank cleaner as the geese. This story almost reminds me of Finding Nemo. Frederick living in the Chinese restaurant was a great modern twist on the original story. The poor guy just wanted a little more attention in the other tank across the room. You could feel the panic in Frederick as the tank cleaner picked him up, and I feel like him biting was just a fight or flight reaction. I do not blame him! I love how in the end, no one was harmed (besides the tank cleaner's hand) for the turtle to learn his lesson. Although, he would not reach the better tank, the turtle gained appreciation for what he was given. Great work!

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  13. Hi Mason,
    I really enjoyed your storybook, particularly the first story about Frederick! The moment I read the first line it made me laugh pretty hard. I think it was very creative and I am curious about what influenced you to write about a Chinese buffet. I think you did a great job of taking the idea of the original story and making it into something fresh and new. It is nice to see a (somewhat) happy ending for the poor turtle. Maybe one day Frederick will learn to trust his caretakers more and he will finally be able to live in the big tank with the other pretty fish! One suggestion I have is that maybe you could put the picture of Frederick into the banner of the story, as you can have different banners for each page. It would be less distracting. I really like the layout of your storybook! It is easy to navigate.

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  14. Hi Mason! I liked that you kept your portfolio super simple and just did fun adaptions of the story. For myself, trying to keep some sort of theme actually took away a bit from the actual story I was trying to write. I think one suggestion I would have for you is add something to the front page of your website. Maybe a little description of what your portfolio is about and class information. That would allow your reader to just know a little bit more about you! I think I actually had the chance to read both your stories as part of my Blog Comments assignment, so it was wonderful to see them again! I think you do a great job at keeping your reader engaged and I like that your stories are neither too long or too short. I think one suggestion I would have is adding more descriptions to your image information and connecting it back to your original story! Other than this, Great Job!

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